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It's Okay To Feel Crazy

You may feel crazy, anxious, overwhelmed and confused, but it's okay. Help is out there!

Leaving American Express to create a life I actually wanted to wake
up for each day may have happened just over a year ago, but the decision
was a long time coming.

The desire to “bee” free and run my own business had been in my heart and on my mind for quite some time. And while I knew my dream wouldn’t be realized overnight, I wasn’t taking any action to make it a reality.

I decided that, in order to get to where I wanted to be, it was time to surrender (Give it up, girl!) and get some much-needed guidance, support, and push towards my goals.

I hired a coach. She was someone I had worked with 15 years earlier, and I had always been drawn to her no-BS style. She kept it real in situations when no one else did, and I liked that. She was the person I wanted to be.

She worked in the corporate world, left it to start what would become an incredibly successful business, and then reinvented herself. (Still does).

She was like Madonna, minus the cone-cup corset. (Actually, I don’t know that for sure.)

Could I have asked my friends or family for help? Sure. But I don’t think that would have gotten me far. No offense.

Would you ask someone who never ran a day in their life to train you for a marathon? A doctor to write your prenup? A two-year old to snake your pipes? Someone who’s never seen Zoolander to understand you?! (And by “you”, I mean “me”.) (Why are these the examples that came to mind?!?)

My guess is no.

I was smart enough (Go me!) to know I needed someone who would better understand me because she’d been there herself.

Remember last week, when I said I was going to reveal some pretty personal stuff that would either have you relating to me even more or running for the hills from my “crazy”?

Well, it’s time.

I’m about to make Brené Brown proud. (I hope!) If you’re not familiar with Brené’s work, you can watch her TED talk on “The Power of Vulnerability” at the end of this post. With more than 17 million views, I’d say it’s pretty popular.

Click or tap here to go to the site.

Below is an email I wrote to my coach more than 3 years ago. My intent is to show that even though I got to where I wanted to be, there were stops and stalls as I moved forward along my path.

Okay, here it comes. <Cringe>

Hey!! So, I was actually wondering if there are fumes in my apartment. How else can I explain how mental I’ve been feeling? In less than a minute, I’ve had this convo with myself multiple times over the last few days:

    • Why am I looking at new jobs and thinking I want to do other stuff? Didn’t I decide what I want to do already?? IDIOT!
    • TV writer’s summit. Why did I get an email about that? I never
      get emails from that organization? I have a book on that topic. I should
      read it. Is this a sign? Should I do that?
    • Nah, you missed that boat, and you probably wouldn’t be any good at it. You’d go, waste your money, and hate yourself even more.
    • I just want to watch TV and escape.
    • That Amex team meeting wasn’t so bad. This job really can be
      fun. I like everyone. What’s my problem? Just stay there and shut up!
    • My dad emailed me and wants me to reach out to a colleague to
      learn more about an event planning job. I don’t want to. What’s wrong
      with me? There’s no commitment. Just f-in do it already!
    • I saw Andy from HBO three times this week. Is that a sign??? Maybe I should go back to wanting to work there.
    • Why am I so tired? My head hurts.
    • Will I lose my job? Holy shit. I forgot about that. Is that a
      possibility? Why aren’t you working with urgency Amy? You are so stupid.
      You’re going to be let go and not even have done your resume. What is
      wrong with you??
    • Where did your excitement and confidence go? You’re a headcase.
    • Do other people feel like this, or am I truly nuts?
    • Can I just go to sleep? I’ve never felt more mentally and emotionally crippled than this week.
    • What the heck is wrong with me? I should cancel my coaching
      session. I don’t need a coach. I need medication. I’m wasting her time.
      She’ll never respect me and I wouldn’t blame her.
    • Am I just tired? Maybe I’m just tired. There’s no reason why everything should be this extreme.
    • Oh God, I hate this. Why can’t I understand what’s going on with me? (First World problems.)
    • I need to get better and fix this before I can move on.
    • I know I have the power to change myself and my thoughts but
      it’s fucking hard! This battle in my head is NON-STOP. How long will it
      take to get better?

There you have it, my desperate, frantic, anxiety-ridden thoughts out there for you to enjoy. J

Do you ever get flooded with overwhelm and confusion? Or feel stagnant, about to slip down the negative spiral?

Most of us feel like that at one time or another. Obviously, you know I can relate!

My coach supported me through some pretty challenging times. After
our sessions, I’d feel heard, understood, supported, hopeful, energized,
motivated, inspired — like everything was going to be better.

And now I get a total high by being that person for others.

If you feel like you’re going off the rails on a crazy train (Thanks, Ozzy.) just try to relax. And know that help is out there if you need it.

So talk to me. I’d love to hear about your “crazy”. Maybe I can help. Vulnerable enough to share in the comments or via social media? Put it out there and set yourself free.

And don’t forget to share this with anyone you think might benefit. I’d “bee” ever so grateful!

Until next time…

Bee Buzzing,

Copyright 2014 The Queen Bee NYC | All rights reserved

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