Years of brushing feelings off without processing them properly made me a master at avoidance.
It wasn’t until I noticed “non-Amy-like” behavior becoming a norm that I started to think that it might be time to check underneath the hood, so to speak.
For instance, when I was in the car, I’d curse at everyone for not being as good a driver as me…
or I’d immediately jump on the defense if anyone said anything the least bit critical of me…
or completely meltdown if my computer froze, the printer jammed, the train was late, the sale fell through, and on and on and on…
These over the top reactions to things that weren’t such a big deal were a signal to me that it was time to deal with what was really bothering me.
I learned the hard way that anything unresolved will come back to bite you in the ass – and depending on how long you’ve been repressing, it’s more than just a nibble.
I was reminded of the fact that you’ve got to feel in order to heal, when I watched the latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy (Season 11, Episode 22) and I wanted to share the monologue I thought was so powerful and beautifully written.
Without giving away too many details in case you’re behind, Amelia is struggling with another tragedy in her life and thinking about turning to drugs despite being sober for 1,321 days.
Owen, who isn’t exactly a guru when it comes to coping with pain either, winds up having
a bit of a breakthrough himself, when he says to Amelia:
“All this stuff you're managing... You're not supposed to be managing it. You're supposed to be feeling it... grief, loss, pain. It is normal. It is. It is normal.
It's not normal to you 'cause you've never done it. Instead of feeling it, feeling the grief and the pain, you've shoved it all down and you do drugs instead. Instead of moving through the pain, you run from it.
Instead of dealing with being hurt and alone and afraid that this horrible, empty feeling is all there is, I run from it. I run off, and I sign up for another tour of active duty.
We do these things. We run off, and we... we medicate. We do whatever it takes to cover it up and dull the sensation, but it's not normal. We're supposed to feel. We're supposed
to love... and hate... and hurt... and grieve and break and... be destroyed and... rebuild ourselves to be destroyed again. That is human. That is humanity. That's... that's... That's being alive. That's the point. That's the entire point. Don't... don't avoid it. Don't...
That scene was raw and left me puffy-eyed, thank you very much Stacy McKee. (The writer credited with that episode.)
Okay, so maybe you’re not going through some monumental tragedy and seeking relief through drugs, but everything is relative.
Maybe you’re trying to forget how you feel about your job, your boss, your boyfriend, your family, so you reach for a pint of ice cream, glass of wine, spend a bunch of money on things you don’t need, or escape into TV land.
We all have our go-to coping mechanisms. Heck, I just put two of them into play last week! I’m sure you can guess which ones. ;)
But at some point, if you really want to experience what it’s like to be truly alive and to grow, you’re going to have to leave your comfort zone.
You’ll be okay though. That which does not kill us will make us stronger. The feelings will pass.
Whatever it is you may be afraid to face - fear, discomfort, pain, guilt, anger, sadness, loss, denial, confusion, hopelessness, frustration, etc. - will you work through it, “bee”lieving all will be okay?
Going through is the only way to come out the other side buzzing – trust me!
Here’s to feeling and healing this week!
If you liked this, chances are someone you know might too, so feel free to spread The Buzz! I’d “bee” ever so grateful. Thank you.
Until next time…
Amy, The Queen Bee NYC
© 2015 The Queen Bee NYC | All rights reserved
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